I Don't Want To: A Lament

God, I don't want to have to wade through seas of human pain in order to extend a hand, to invite people to a new way.

I don't want to slog through destructive apathy to wake people up to Your work of transformation, making us into a people of God who give dignity, respect and voice to all.

I don't want to witness people breaking and feel helpless to do anything at all.

I don't want to feel like giving up because it's all too much.

I don't want to love Your way if that means I hurt when another hurts and feel crushed when another is crushed, because both happen all too often.

I don't want to cry in front of another, friend or stranger, because there's nothing else I can do.

I don't want to be silent when the silence is full of the restless pain for which we have no words.

I don't want it, not any of it.

But God, if it is Your will, I will do it.

And don't leave me alone, God, or I will falter, and I will never know the goodness of participating in Your New Creation.

Hold me up.  Strengthen me. Send your angels--heavenly and blessedly earthly--to come alongside and encourage me.

I am useless in my "I don't wants" without You, but in Your presence is courage and strength and blessed peace and rest in the face of abuse, pain, and hopelessness.

Guide me, O Thou Great Jehovah.  Amen.