I had an interesting experience the other day. A few days a week, I go to the pool with Justin at a local gym. I put him in the pool and then I usually get in to swim too. The other morning, we were at the pool and a woman stopped me while I was swimming and asked me if I was Justin's physical therapist. I gotta admit, the more that question ran around in my head, the more I realized all the "stuff" that's involved in that question. One of my first reactions was to be angry and indignant. I just wanted to throw my hands into the air and sarcastically say, "Well of course I am, because a man in a wheelchair couldn't be married, could he?!?" Then, I felt insulted, because what in the world does a question like that say about me? That I must be desperate? Or pitiful? I'm not either of those things! But assuming that I am anything but married to my husband is so INCREDIBLY frustrating. In the past, I've been asked if I'm his sister or his home health aide or his nurse. I already, admittedly, have issues at times with the "not normal" issues we face--I don't like feeling like the world is watching us, trying to put us in a box that makes sense to them because they are uncomfortable with the fact that we're married. And I know this won't change for us. In fact, it probably has the potential to get worse as we have kids, get old, etc. But I do know this--I would love for us to have a day where we can walk down the street and people don't see us as a novelty or oddity.
Justin and I made an interestng discovery today. We don't often get Justin out of the chair during the day, but today we decided to put him on the couch so we could sit next to each other while we watched some TV. It was actually a fantastic discovery!! We don't get a chance to be casually physical with each other very much. For instance, the only chance we get to give each other a real hug is when we go to bed at night. But, those small hugs during the day, the small touches of affecton are just different for us. I think that's why I discovered I like cuddling on the couch. It felt very normal, very "everyday." We actually got to hug each other! I know it's such a little thing...but it's the little things that matter the most...
That's true -- the little things DO matter the most!
ReplyDeleteI still think that you need to tell others that you ARE his (fill in the blank) and then add, "I'm sleeping with him, too!" or (when you have kids) "He's my baby daddy!" Hahaha! :)
You guys ARE a novelty, as much as you hate that people see you that way. It's rare to find that person who completely overlooks what everyone sees as odd or weird and truly falls in love whit who they are as a person. Shoot, it's difficult to find someone who will fall in love with a "normal" person!
I know it's annoying and frustrating to have people look at you and see your differences in lifestyle and judge you then and there. Find a way to crack a joke about the situation. Learn from Justin. He's accepted so much about his limitations, and is the most good-natured guy that I know. I know it's tough sometimes to accept what people say to and about you, but in the end, what they have to say doesn't matter at all.
I love you guys!