Theology: Road Trip Anyone?!

What is theology?

This was the question posed today in my first Introduction to Theology class.  It seems like the answer to this question would be simple--"the study of God."  But, wait a second!  Though a correct academic definition, what does "the study of God" really mean?  Here, the use of language is both a help and a barrier.  Of course, we cannot understand our own thoughts without the definition language provides. But the careful use of language in defining anything as sensitive as "theology" is paramount to the success of any such definition. 

I don't mean to presume that after one class period I really "get it."  To be honest, there is a part of me that is more confused now than I was when she asked us to jot down a few thoughts.  But here is one thought that stuck with me during our mini-brainstorming session:

Theology is the study of the interaction of God on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level with humankind and creation.

I honestly have no idea how this answer would be taken apart by a professor of systematic theology, but I do know this: it's the best I have at this point!  Hopefully, over the course of this semester this definition will grow both clearer and fuzzier in the midst of my pursuit of theology.  And let's face it--we're all in pursuit of theology.  For many this journey is not intentional nor as definition-dependent as an academic quest towards understanding God, but the drive still exists.  Whether the road trip is just beginning, stalled on the side of the road, experiencing twists and turns, or cruising down a normal stretch of highway, someday all of our journeys will end at God's throne room.

I read a passage the other day in Chesterton's Orthodoxy that I find a helpful companion in this journey:

"I wish to set forth my faith as particularly answering this double spiritual need, the need for that mixture of the familiar and the unfamiliar which Christendom has rightly named romance...the thing I propose to take as common ground between myself and any average reader is this desirability of an active and imaginative life, picturesque and full of a poetical curiosity, a life such as western man at any rate always seems to have desired."

I pray that in the midst of the academia--the reading, the writing, the studying, the struggling--this romantic theology will not lose its luster, but only grow in its ability to pique the imagination with thoughts of a God beyond human comprehension Who chooses to continue relating to humanity through the perichoresis (dance) of the Holy Trinity.

The Night Before the Second First Day of Seminary

As I sit here listening to the maintenance man vacuum up water that leaked out from under my refrigerator, I find myself reflecting on this Christmas break and the upcoming semester.  To be honest, I always feel awkward about the beginning of the Spring semester.  You're not going to walk in to Wal-mart or Target and find all of the traditional back to school items one might find in August, and yet there is a sense of newness in the air, at least for those in undergraduate and graduate programs.  There are new classes to look forward to, new challenges to face, new professors to experience.  On the other hand, there is a sense of sameness.  As a music major, my private lesson instructor stays the same, as do my choir director and my advisers in the Sacred Music corner of the campus.  So while some things are new, other things are so familiar, it almost feels like this is a semester of settling into the things that were so strikingly unfamiliar in the Fall.

As far as Christmas break goes, it was one of mixed emotions.  One of my aunts passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly in the middle of December.  Combined with the fact we buried my grandmother on the same side of the family one week before Christmas 6 years ago, there were many reasons to be sad this Christmas.  But, in the midst of the difficulties, there were joyful times with family and the sense of coming home during our week in Lubbock.  Granted, Dallas is our home now, but there is something nice about going back to a comfortable, familiar place for a while. 

In the midst of this reflection, it occurs to me that a major theme in my life right now is the tension between the familiar and the foreign.  The draw of the familiar is alluring, but the move to Dallas and attending Perkins is anything but a comfortable life decision.  Isn't it interesting, though, that comfortable and right don't necessarily coincide?  Someday, Dallas and seminary may feel like a comfortable world, but the best part is that right now, its an exciting, uncertain, and challenging adventure.  So, here's to a new semester! 

Drunk on Carbs

Tonight, Justin and I did something that we've never done before.  Things have been tough around here.  Justin's had a winter cold for what feels like more than a week, leaving me to act as nurse, caregiver, housekeeper, wife, etc.  Granted, being a caregiver isn't easy anyway, but add illness into the mix and things can get tense. So, to combat the illness and overall low morale in our apartment, we got drunk on all-natural, gourmet carbs from Central Market. 

Now, I know that some of you health nuts out there might be thinking, "Didn't you just decide to start a new eating plan?  What about the exercising and being healthy?"  To that I will say this:
1. We ate well today up until dinner.
2. Today was a running day (completed 2nd day of C25k week 2 and was rather proud of my performance!) and I saved some of my snack calories in order to not totally ruin things tonight.
3. Though I am not a proponent of emotional eating, sometimes it's important to bend some rules (like on eating) in order to maintain what is most important, which in my life are my faith in the Holy Trinity and my marriage.
4. Whatever didn't get eaten tonight is going in the trash.  I know there are hungry kids in Africa, but the carbs we managed not to devour tonight are not going to do them any good, and it is not my obligation to eat leftover carbs that are not good for me in order to somehow have solidarity with starving children elsewhere in the world.  The best thing I can do to show my support for such children and their families is to pray for them and support programs that actually are providing them healthy food. Sorry...I'm getting on a soapbox...  Anyway, back to the story!

So, I went on a mission of exploration to Central Market, something I've been wanting to do since we moved to Dallas.  On this mission, I procured a piece of spinach lasagna, a mushroom & goat cheese quesadilla, macaroni and cheese, a fresh baguette, herb cheese to go with the baguette, organic blood orange Italian soda, and chocolate chips cookies from the bakery.  Told ya it was a carb fest!

While sampling all of the findings, we watched How I Met Your Mother and Dateline.  I started noticing our drunken state about the 3rd time we laughed hysterically during the same 5 minute bit in HIMYM.  By the time we put on Dateline at 9, we were in a close-to-delirious mood.  While getting ready for bed at 10, almost everything we said was funny and worth a side-splitting laugh.  All I can determine is we experienced a classic case of carbo-high.  Thankfully, the side effects are not terribly debilitating, and it got us to laugh with each other--A LOT. 

Now, loading up on carbs and watching a horny Doogie Howser and real-life murder mysteries may not be your thing.  Getting ready for bed at 10 p.m. on a Friday night may not be your thing either.  But tonight taught me a valuable lesson--whatever it takes to lower some of the tension in life to make room for the joy that surrounds you: DO IT!  Taking a bit of time to let life reset and laugh through the things that cause the most angst is a healthy move, even if it requires a few chocolate chips cookies here and there.

The Christian Egotist

Happy Wednesday!  We had a fairly low key day at the Hancock household.  I start week 2 of the C25k training plan today and though it was definitely harder than last week, I completed my 30 minutes without dying and without backing down from my personal distance and calorie goals for the workout, so I'm pleased overall.  Then, Justin and I went over to our friend Lessie's house and ate lunch and played with her and her little daughter.  Tonight, I had choir practice for two and a half hours, so I'm glad to be home and done with my day.  Though not as busy as a normal school day would be, this day had enough activity in it for me to be glad I'm home.

I started another new venture today which has the potential to stir up many future musings and questions.  I decided to start reading G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy.  Chesterton was a late 19th-early 20th century English writer and theologian who engaged in theological debate with such contemporaries as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw.  Chesterton is sometimes called the "prince of paradox" because of his ability to turn a popular phrase or idea inside out before using it to prove his point.  On a personal note, many of the people I know who have read Orthodoxy, including Justin, have told me that to make it through a page or two at a time of Chesterton is quite an accomplishment because of the density of his writing and his pithy phrases.  Therefore, though this volume is only 129 pages in length, it could take a long time to complete. 

Already today, in the Preface of all things, I found one such phrase that made me stop in my tracks.  In explaining his approach to writing Orthodoxy, Chesterton says he "has been forced to egotistical only in order to be sincere...It is the purpose of the writer to attempt an explanation, not of whether the Christian Faith can be believed, but of how he personally has come to believe it."  Egotistical = sincere?  Really?  The more I thought about this, the more it started making sense to me.  In fact, it reminded me of a conversation Lessie and I had not too long ago about how we misuse the word "selfish" in the Christian church.  We started thinking about all the times we would start phrases with "I know this may sound selfish, but..." and honestly, at the end of most of the buts was something that referred to taking care of ourselves.  Personally, I often find myself saying, "I know this may sound selfish, but I need to have some time to myself so I can't do (fill in extraneous activity), even though I know so-and-so really wants me to be there." 

Though it is difficult to acknowledge because of other people's expectations on my time and energy, the best thing I can do for other people is to take care of myself.  That's not selfish--it's healthy. To admit that I have limits both mentally and physically makes me real and human. In the same way, Chesterton addresses his faith through the lens of his personal experience in order to be authentic, not self-involved.  Defining his theology through personal experience makes his sometimes difficult-to-understand ideas real, tangible, meaningful for the fact they have been born and refined through the fire of human life.  It would seem in our day and age of the Internet, more such authentic sharing of life and faith would be easier and more accessible, and thus, more prevalent. 

Why, then, does it sometimes seem so difficult to distinguish between the selfish, shallow evangelist and the authentic, Christ-seeking egotist?







  

New Year, New Resolve

Hello friends and Internet world!

It has been QUITE a while since I posted anything on here, but I thought it might be nice to start writing again. Instead of trying to fill you in on everything that's happen in the last year and a half, I'll just include the pertinent details. Justin and I moved to Dallas in the Fall so that I could start a Masters of Sacred Music at Perkins School of Theology/SMU. My first semester was crazy and Justin is still looking for full time work, but God continues to provide for us and I have never been so sure of my calling. Really, it's been wonderful to lean on God and have no idea how He's going to provide for us next and yet trust that He will act in a powerful, magnificent way.

One of the most rewarding things about seminary is the almost daily theological challenges to be faced in reading, discussion, and writing. So, I'm hoping this semester I might have an opportunity to post more on theological issues I face and interesting things I read. For me, hashing things out in writing is usually a fruitful experience.

Justin and I decided this year we would try two new things to live more healthfully. First, we are trying the Comfort Food Diet from Taste of Home, which has thus far turned out to be very reasonable and delicious! One of my problems when we try new eating plans is finding recipes that in it that are yummy and satisfying. The Comfort Food Diet cookbook is quite excellent! The food so far has tasted good and included lots of fiber and fruits/veggies. We've also committed to working out 3 times a week, and I'm trying the Couch to 5k plan. To be honest, running is not my thing. I know for some people it is, but I've always hated it. But, I also recognize that it is one of the most efficient ways to achieve meaningful cardiovascular exercise in a decent amount of time, so I'm putting aside my dislike and giving it a try. Though I don't know that running is something I will ever love, my health makes it worth attempting.

I Don't Have Time to Be a Damsel in Distress!!

Lately, I have been contemplating the role of women in the traditional Christian family as compared to what my current experience of my own role in my own family is, and I've come to a few revelations. One, I grew up wishing to be rescued. I wanted to be a princess with a prince who would ride up on his white steed and rescue me from whatever problem I had at the time, whether it was doing the dishes, a car breaking down or a fight with my mom. I grew up believing (and not too incorrectly) that I, as a woman, am made to be cherished, treasured, and protected. Not because women are the weaker sex, but because it is through that protection that our hearts can flourish and provide all they are meant to provide to the world. And I didn't expect my prince to just fix emergencies. I just knew my prince would provide for my every need (and maybe a few wants!), both physical and emotional, meaning I would only have to work if I wanted to. My prince would be there for every rescue situation.

But now, I'm in a conundrum, which is the second realization I've come to. Because as it happens, my prince is usually pretty good at rescuing me from fights with my mom and all those times I'm an emotional wreck. But otherwise, I often feel like I'm the one doing a lot of rescuing. Justin has a bathroom accident, I take care of it. The bus can't make it to pick Justin up, I move my schedule around to go get him. Add to that that I have to do laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, work 3 part time jobs, etc., and life gets crazy very quickly and I feel like I need to be rescued simply from the busyness and chaos. But most of those physical things, Justin can't save me from. It's not that he doesn't try-he does! But when you are getting people who volunteer to help you around the house, you are grateful but don't expect (and rightfully so!) for them to be incredibly regular, so cleaning often falls on me by sheer process of elimination.

And then, add to all of that, I'm not sure any more I want to be completely rescued. Doesn't mean I don't like the feeling of someone else taking care of things, but I want to be a strong woman, I want to be respected for who I am and what I do, and it doesn't seem like that happens with damsels in distress. In a world where men are made uncomfortable by tears and women are expected to be both strong in the workplace and nurturing mothers and wives at home, the role I'm looking to try to fill is complicated at best, increasingly overwhelming at worst. I'm not sure yet what all this means or where I'm going from here, but I know one thing: I know longer have the time to be a damsel in distress!

What God Sees

There are times I think God must look down from heaven at this world He created and cry at the brokeness. Cry at the lostness, the blindness, the arrogant way we charge ahead with our lives thinking we have control over anything, much less ourselves. We assume to know so much more than we do. We assume to see with our eyes while refusing to look with our souls. We commit the first sin every day of our lives--thinking we can do better than God. But even if we fixed all that, even if we submitted wholeheartedly to God and never sinned against Him again, the pain would not cease. In fact, it might actually increase, because the result would be that we would experience more of the pain He feels to watch His creation inflict wound after wound on themselves and each other, and therefore, on Him. Even if I never sinned against God, my fellow man, or myself again, I would still experience the brokeness of sin because we are incapable of not hurting each other. Sin causes pain, and it never affects just you. It affects God, it affects others, it affects the deepest parts of our soul. And that breaks my heart.

"Let my heart be broken by the things that break God's heart."

--Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision