Facing the Realities

A few years ago, the inspirational football movie Facing the Giants came out. It had that pretty typical but oh so true message of faith and believing helping you overcome obstacles that seem too great and insurmountable. Well today, I've been thinking about the "giants" in my life, but I realized that these giants are more like daily realities than big milestone obstacles.

I'm by myself this week while Justin is counseling/teaching at a church camp for senior high students. I have a hard time sleeping when Justin is gone. In fact, last night, I woke up at 3 a.m. and never went back to sleep. But, I realized that one of the realities I have to live with is that even when Justin is here, I'm the protector of our home. Last night I was completely freaking out every time I heard a noise because the noises worried me, and in the midst of that, I went wait a minute! I'm the one who would have to protect us anyway, whether Justin's here or not. Still didn't help me sleep much, but it was one of those realities I had to face and acknowledge as true and real. So now, I'm struggling with what the implications of that are. I'm the protector, something I never planned on being in my marriage; something I don't feel very equipped to handle. Plus, I'm a woman who desires to be rescued and taken care of. Nothing about being the protector in our relationship makes those desires in my heart feel fulfilled. I gotta be honest, I don't know what to do with that, but there it is. The realities I have to face.

Along those same lines, I'm struggling with questions of authority in our marriage. There are many things I have to do that I never expected to do when I got married, like being the protector. So, what's my place in our marriage? This is the question I have to ask myself. I think that when I have to do more things than most wives expect to be doing, it's harder to figure out the lines of authority. I mean, I always see Justin as the head of the household. But at the same time, I have to be so independent in our relationship and be such an integral part of the "manly" chores and duties, it makes for some interesting thought processes.

As in most instances, I feel like I have few answers, but better questions all the time...and so I continue down this road...