Sometimes I feel like I'm much too young to feel so old. Not necessarily physically old, but emotionally and mentally old. I look in the mirror and start wondering why there is nothing on my face that speaks to the difficult experiences of my heart.
I have struggled with many things in my marriage the last few days that I cannot really go into here, but they make me feel old and weary. I will say this: I heard about Sandra Bullock's speech at an award's show this weekend where she said, "And whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired." I must say I thoroughly agree with this. Taking the high road when you have been hurt may be the one of the hardest things to do, especially when the person who hurt you is your spouse. I think up there with taking the high road, and really part of taking the high road, is learning to legitimately experience the pain without turning it into bitterness and vinditiveness. To be honest, I'm really working on that lesson. I was doing really well with lots of things, including improved self-esteem and coming to terms with liking who I am and where I'm at in life. And then...well let's suffice it to say that somethings my husband did crushed me and it will take me a while to recover from the pain. But I still love him and I don't want to become bitter and closed off emotionally...so really, I guess part of taking the high road is as much about protecting yourself as it is about treating the other person well, despite their actions.
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