Reminiscing

My mom has been working on cleaning out her parents'/my grandparents' house this last week. Her parents died several years ago, but her sister-in-law lived in the house after they died so there were several things she hadn't found before that she discovered, including a box of pictures/papers/postcards from my Pawpaw's days in the army during WWII. As she's been telling me about these discoveries, I've found myself missing my Pawpaw more and more. I was his only granddaughter and we had a very special relationship. He also had a stroke when I was 7. I can remember a few things about him before that time, like how tall he was, how much he liked to cuddle with me, the two of us taking walks together. I remember seeing him for the first time after his stroke. I was so young, but I had to be a big girl. We were in a hospital room with him and he had so many tube and machines running in and out of him. I tried not to cry in front of him, and it was hard. I could tell he didn't want me to see him like that. Momma and I made a lot of trips to Midland after that. My Memaw even came to live with us for a year before we were able to move Pawpaw back to their house. I remember avoiding the nurses at the facility Pawpaw was in for part of that year and climbing up in his hospital bed when they weren't looking so I could cuddle with him. That's what he always called me--his cuddle buddy. Pawpaw lived for almost 5 years after his stroke. We went to see him and Memaw a lot, and even when I got too big to do it, I still climbed into his hospital bed to be close to him. Robby and I would also play catch with him. We had a purple nerf soccer ball that we used. Even when he was bedridden those last couple years, Pawpaw's upper body remained strong. When he had a new nurse, they were always surprised that he had such a good grip. He was always great at catching and throwing the ball to us. And we would watch Penn State football games together. Pawpaw was a big Penn State fan. He had a Penn State baseball cap that someone got him, it might have been us, to wear during the games. We teased him that Penn State and Joe Pa weren't going to win if he didn't have that hat on. For a while, Pawpaw would type some things on the computer to talk to us, but he got to where he couldn't do that any more, I think because of his eye sight. His only way of showing us emotion was to cry. He would cry when he was happy and he would cry when he was sad. But somehow, I would know when he was happy crying and when he was sad crying. I was glad to have him for those almost-5 years, even though he couldn't talk to us or communicate very well with us, but the older I've gotten, the more I've realized how much I missed not being able to communicate with him very well. It was amazing that we were emotionally able to communicate with each other, but I wish I had been able to hear more of his stories, to know more of his character and wisdom. I know he was a godly man. At his funeral, the pastor told a story about him that I had never heard. Before he had his stroke, Pawpaw was outside listening to the radio as the stars were coming out and the song "How Great Thou Art" came on the radio, and my Pawpaw sat there and sang to stars

"O Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder

consider all the worlds Thy hands have made.

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder;

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!"

Someday I will see Pawpaw again. He has left me a wonderful legacy to carry in my heart. To any who have read this, thanks for listening to/reading my ramblings. I have cried while writing this blog, but it's been incredibly therapeutic.